Free People Dress

I’m not going to lie, I’ve been putting off sharing a first trimester post. Why? I’m not entirely sure…every time I sat down to write or really reflect on everything I just found myself becoming upset. The last several months have not been easy for me, on an emotional level. I haven’t been very “with it”… I have found myself being somewhat of a grump and needing to talk myself out of it and for that I have felt very guilty. How could I feel like this? How could I give myself permission to feel like this? I’m growing a beautiful little human who I can’t wait to meet. I feel this is the best time in my life, so why can’t I enjoy it?

Well, my pregnancy didn’t initially start out this way. Let me rewind a bit. A few weeks ago I posted on IG stories asking what you guys were most interesting in hearing about regarding the first trimester, I did this to kind of kick start my writing over here. Thank you for that. Here’s what you guys seemed to be the most interested in….

(My first doctor appt after finding out we were pregnant!)

MORNING SICKNESS
We were still living in the guesthouse when I found out I was pregnant and thankfully there weren’t any morning trips of me hopping over the pull out sofa, running to the bathroom. Thankfully I didn’t experience any morning sickness throughout this entire pregnancy. However, I was pretty nauseous most mornings well into my second trimester, which made me not want to eat anything. At least getting a banana and some plain toast in my system did the trick and slowly but surely the nausea subsided.

I also began taking my prenatal vitamins at night to help with any nausea. I’m still doing so and it has really helped. For a while I was keeping a box of crackers on my nightstand at night just to fight off any uneasiness.

Parachute Robe | Anthropologie Mirror

SKINCARE
This is a big one! I’m going to do a separate post on it because my skin has been freaking out since eliminating certain skincare products out of my routine, but yes – the pregnancy acne is here guys and it’s real. Although, it didn’t really get too bad until about week 16, going into my second trimester. Go figure! Anyway, I have switched to such pure and natural products, and am still testing some out, so I want to give it time before I fully recommend anything to you guys. What have I cut out of my skincare routine? Anything with retinol, BP, and salicylic acid…even some essential oils. More to come!

CHANGE TO DIET? CRAVINGS?
One of the first things my doctor asked me was if I was having any food aversions, and my answer was “not really”. One day we were running errands and decided to stop for lunch at Flowerchild by us. I always get the Mother Earth bowl, but that day the ancient grains were just making me nauseous. I couldn’t stand the smell. Thankfully everything else has been fair game. I haven’t really switched up my diet all that much, which was something else I asked my doctor about. We only eat fish and occasionally chicken so I was nervous about getting enough protein, but she advised to just indulge in big PB&J sandwiches, full avocados, and incorporate salmon weekly into my diet. All things I love, so I was thankful for that.

Cravings haven’t really hit me…well at least not in the way I thought they would. You always see movies where it’s 10pm and a woman wants some crazy ice cream so her husband runs out to get it or weird combos like pickles and who knows what! I’m not saying it’s not true, but for me it didn’t happen. At least it wasn’t consistent food favorites. My weakness has been scrolling through IG or FB and seeing some amazing meal someone just posted and instantly wanting to eat exactly what they just posted…tacos, donuts, you name it.

I cut out caffeine all throughout my first trimester, which was fine for me. Most mornings I would have an herbal tea (approved by my doctor) or hot water with lemon, which always feels cozy to me.

SYMPTOMS…WHAT DID I FEEL EARLY ON?
Symptoms can be a pretty loose term, so I’m kind of grouping all the miscellaneous feelings into this. Some of you guys asked if I felt any cramping in the beginning and the answer is a big fat YES! My whole first trimester was that constant pulling and tugging feeling in my lower abdomen. Right after finding out we were pregnant, we had a work trip to Washington DC and each morning the cramps were pretty unbearable. I was so uncomfortable, but also nervous because I didn’t know what was normal to feel at that time. Well, if you’re experiencing it, it’s pretty normal. Just your good ‘ol uterus making room for your baby to grow. It’s so incredibly wild.

Was I tired? Oh yes m’am I sure was! It was so strange to not be able to just pick up and go like I was used to doing. We found out we were pregnant in the fall which is when we are gearing up for our busiest time of the year work wise and I was scared to go into the holiday season feeling so out of it. It was a big reason I didn’t tell anyone for a long time. I didn’t want anyone to tell me to take a break or slow down, because really I just go crazy when I have to do that. I love creating and that feeling of accomplishment after completing a big project. I thrive on it. Hey, a lot of it was my pride too, and if I dropped the ball on something I didn’t want anyone thinking it was because I couldn’t handle being pregnant. Crazy, I know, but that was my thought process. So I just tried to push through it and definitely slept in a bit later than usual, which is what my body needed. If you need to slow down or sleep later, or take a nap, thats ok – listen to your body. I felt super guilty canceling plans with friends before letting the cat out of the bag. I didn’t want to look flakey, but there were so many evenings I couldn’t imagine changing out of my sweats to head out to that double date, no matter how badly I wanted that pasta dish or laughs with friends.

(^^This photo was taken in November about a month after we found out we were expecting. Also when we moved back in our house, hence the bare bedroom. 😉 )

(^^One month later at Rob’s parents’ house on Christmas morning, with a little bump starting to pop out. I wore a big sweater over this skirt…I remember feeling like it looked like I was super bloated. Ha!)

Other Stories Dress
(^^This is closer to how the bump is looking today…past the first trimester, but thought I’d show you guys anyway, as I didn’t take too many photos very early on.)

WORKING OUT
My doctor advised me to cut out all exercise during my first trimester. I wasn’t too excited about it because I really want to stay in shape during the pregnancy and do anything I could to help with a smooth delivery, but doctors orders. Just walking was allowed. I think that change in our routine made me even more tired, but it was nice to give my body a rest. We’re beginning to get back in the swing of things over here and being more active now that I’m in my second trimester, but I’ll save that for another post.

(^^Happy tears after one of our appointments!)

DID YOU EXPERIENCE ANY ANXIETY?
I left this one for last because I feel like it’s the biggest question and has a lot to do with why I started off my post the way I did. Thankfully I haven’t had any anxiety about the pregnancy or becoming a parent during the first trimester, which if you are having those thoughts and feelings, it’s completely normal. I basically felt them my entire life up until this point, and I’m sure as the pregnancy continues little doubts and nerves will pop into my head and heart.

For me, what has caused the most anxiety has been coming to terms with some very close personal relationships. Unfortunately this has caused me to miss out on days which could have been very joyous because I chose to concentrate on the negative. I chose to concentrate on the people in my life who have chosen to not be a part of it and share in this special time. I have never really thought about it until now because we have always been “go, go, go”. We were always traveling, which are memories I will cherish, but in some way by always experiencing something “new and exciting” I was able to bury many negative feelings and the emotional distance between my family and me. Things have never been perfect, but years of hurt of pain came to a head over the last few months. A good portion of November through January was a big rut for me and I think that’s putting it lightly. I found myself upset and confused with my family dynamic, then I found myself becoming upset about being upset during this time. I would get down on myself for letting the baby feel anything but happiness. I’m embarrassed to say that it was just recently that everything clicked. We are on our way to the best journey of all, creating our own little family together, surrounded by friends who are so incredible and shower us with so much love that I feel silly for not noticing it sooner.

When I received your DMs about our pregnancy announcement, your comments in response to when I opened up about becoming a mother and sharing how we found out I was pregnant, I was so genuinely overcome with love and joy. I was shocked to have been able to connect with you guys in this way. Please know we read all of your comments and emails and messages, and we are so grateful for each one. Some have helped me on some really hard days, and I thank you for that. I’m so excited for this journey, the next stage in our life and sharing more here with you guys. The first trimester was definitely a rollercoaster and I don’t expect this ride to slow down any time soon. For now, we are just enjoying this time, taking it day by day. I really want to enjoy being pregnant vs just waiting for baby to arrive, even though we’re counting down the days! 😉