How our baby boy is already almost four weeks old is beyond me. The days seem to be flying by and it feels like just a few days ago we were at the hospital getting ready to welcome this little man into the world. I still want to sit down and write out his birth story, and I’m going to try to do monthly updates, but for now I just wanted to compile all the photos we’ve been snapping and share some thoughts on our first days as parents. I’ve been jotting down some thoughts here and there each night. It’s crazy how I feel like we’re already in such a different headspace than when I wrote what I’m going to share from just a few weeks ago.
MY FIRST TWO WEEKS POSTPARTUM
The first two weeks were the hardest for me. Here’s what I wrote one evening early on…
We’re not really sure what we expected for these first few weeks of parenthood. We came home from the hospital with smiles on our faces and our hearts full. This little man makes us so incredibly happy and even though the days can feel like a rollercoaster of emotions, I find myself sitting every night in his nursery, rocking him to sleep thinking about how he’s a part of me and a part of Rob. I still can’t wrap my head around it. How amazing is that? We get to raise this tiny human and show him the world. The task feels quite large at times. At times I feel like I’m failing (adjusting to little to no sleep has been interesting) and at others, I feel like we can take on the world together. Emotions have been running high! I know there’s so many adventures ahead of us as a family of three and it makes my heart so happy.
I’ve cried a lot the last few weeks. I’ve cried watching and listening to Rob sing to Oliver because it’s the cutest thing ever. I’ve cried in the morning when looking at the bags under my eyes after Oliver had a fussy night. I’ve cried when I’ve thought of the trips we’ll go on as a family. I’ve cried wondering if I could be a good enough mom for our little man. Sometimes the tears end in me and Rob laughing because I know it’s silly and I’m so happy, and then other times the crying ends in Rob holding me and consoling me.
We’ve been making a point to celebrate all the little victories and chat each night about what went “right” that day, because it’s so easy to get caught up in what you think you’re doing wrong and doubt yourself as a parent. The love I feel for this little guy is so strong, which makes me realize how much I love and appreciate my husband. I’ve heard people say that having a baby can bring you closer together as a couple, and I never knew what they meant or how that could be. I didn’t think it was possible to love Rob even more, but wow…seeing him as a dad, my parenting partner, and being my support system as we enter this new phase of life has been more than I could have ever imagined. He’s fed me dinner while I feed Oliver, reassured me I’m being a good mom and wife, made me laugh like I’ve never laughed before, and has been the best cuddle partner. I feel truly lucky.
My Journal Entries from our first Few Weeks as Parents
Oliver’s umbilical cord fell off. Didn’t think that would happen so fast, but now we can give him a real bath! His pediatrician visit went well. Our little man gained a full two oz. Woo hoo!
Leah and Matt came over with Topo burritos, snacks and flowers plus a sweet card for Oliver. We chatted for four hours and Oliver was a champ in between it all. It was definitely a high for the day. Later on, I cried on the couch telling Rob how much I love him and I hope we always stay the same together. Oh, hormones! Rob comforted me and sat with me while I cried, told me I have nothing to be sorry about it and that I have every right to feel the way I do. He’s been amazing and is the glue keeping us all together…he made us shrimp and veggies for dinner and he’s making sure I take my vitamins and iron supplements every night before bed.
Oliver is one week old! How did that happen? We’re learning to have grace with ourselves and patience. He’s doing great and we’re doing the best we can for him, which is all he needs from us right now. We’re still learning all about each other. This is new for all of us.
Oliver slept for 7 hours last night! Not consecutively but in a few stretches and it felt glorious! I’ve been taking him outside each morning for his “awake” time before it gets too hot and he loves looking at the trees and feeling the (very warm) breeze at that hour. The mornings are so special and calm together.
The nights are rough but there are sweet moments during the day and I’m already getting upset thinking about how fast time will (and is) flying by. Holding this little guy is the best thing and I can’t believe how full my heart feels when he’s close to me. We went to Futuro and Phoenix Public Market today and I wore Oliver in the baby wrap the whole time. Having him so close is the best thing ever…baby wearing might be my favorite part about newborn life. I sat in the front seat of the car with Rob for the first time since Oliver was born today and we held hands, sang together and kissed at the red lights…it’s amazing how we’ve been bonding. It almost feels like we’re dating again. We are both so tired but somehow through it all, I think our love has grown stronger. Watching every day unfold has been so incredible. I wish we were sleeping more but man, the love for my family…in our little family…is something I could have never dreamed of. I’m so happy.
Oliver is three weeks old today. How is that even possible? How has it been 21 days since this little guy has left my body? It feels like we were just at the hospital. I can’t believe it. I’m growing more and more attached to him everyday. Knowing all of his little squirms and stretches after a nap and the faces he makes after a feeding. I never thought my heart could feel this full. He still hates baths and the screaming that comes from those little lungs surprises me each time, but the face he makes once he’s warm in his pjs and we’re brushing his hair…man there’s nothing better. Rob sings him these Beatles nursery rhymes as we do bath time and it’s the sweetest thing. Oliver is either going to love the Beatles or completely boycott them. Haha little man, we love you so much! It’s hard to not kiss those cheeks a million times these days.
Finally! Bath time success. It only took us 23 days but tonight Rob and I gave Oliver a bath and he didn’t cry! A happy bath time. We’ve been trying to establish a routine for him, so that he knows when to settle down each night: bath time, soothing music, lotion, and bottle with the lights dimmed and sound machine on. It was so sweet seeing him in the bath, smiling with his wild hair. Rob snapped a few photos and I did a happy dance in the kitchen. Maybe we’ll call this his first official bath. Ha!
Things Clicked for me at Three Weeks Postpartum
It’s kind of crazy how many emotions we’ve experienced from the first day we brought him home until now. I already feel like I’m in such a different headspace than when I wrote the above. It goes to show that postpartum hormones are SO real and that there are so many phases of “the fourth trimester”. So much emphasis was put on the birthing process and that’s what a lot of friends would talk about with me when I was pregnant. The fourth trimester was totally left out and I think it’s such an important time as a new mom and as a new family unit. It feels like we’re just starting to get the swing of things over here. At around three weeks something changed for me…things just clicked.
Suddenly I wasn’t so frustrated about my new found zombie status. Running on three hour stretches of sleep started to feel normal. Who knew that was possible? We worked out a system where during Oliver’s morning nap, we take turns getting ready for the day so we feel fresh and a bit more energized. This has helped us feel like “ourselves”, which definitely has an effect on our mood each morning. I’ve also started to want time to slow down. Every cuddle with our little man has started to not feel long enough. I even turned to Rob at one point and said, “Man, when he starts dating it’s going to be really hard.” He laughed and told me we have some time before I have to worry about that. Ha! 😉 Our hearts changed forever the day this little guy was born and I know we’ll never be the same, in the very best way. We’re a trio now…inseparable…and I couldn’t be happier.
I probably could have broken this up into several blog posts, but oh well. It’s a bit about what’s been going on in our house lately and I wanted to share while everything still felt fresh. It’s been so great connecting with so many of you via instagram about newborn life. Thank you for the support and for sharing what your early days looked like. I hope sharing a bit about my own ups and downs will be comforting for others going through the newborn phase too, because the sweet moments really are so incredibly sweet.
Hope everyone has a great weekend! Until next time!